HOW TO ARGUE ON THE INTERNET A GUEST EDITORIAL BY SMILEY MOPJ, I just wanted to comment on what Jack Frost said last week. Recently, I was, unfortunately, lured into an online discussion with a bunch of neo-fascist goons. It started with me being annoyed that Cindy Sheehan was being so viciously attacked for her decision not to (for now) erect a tombstone for her dead son. I watched some of the discussion with interest, becoming increasingly angry at how rude and vicious it was becoming. I mean, what business was it of theirs (or ours), weren't they missing the real point, that the war in Iraq is based on lies, and is essentially a profiteering exercise in stupidity for GW and his evil cronies? So, I decided to speak up. Mistake. I launched into a paragraph saying that Sheehan could do whatever she wanted, it was her son, he had been killed in combat, fighting for their dumb asses. They were screeching like a bunch of neo-con stuck pigs, baying for her blood, and then mine. I then raised some points on how the war was illegal, badly planned and executed, how millions for reconstruction had been misappropriated, stolen from the taxpayer, etc, etc. the more sense I thought I made, the angrier they became. Then it got personal. They made fun of me, my family, my mother, questioned my sexuality, someone even came up with the idea that I was actually, gasp, a woman! When that failed, they started picking on my spelling, grammar and diction. I then insulted a couple of them, and that made them angrier as I couldn't argue effectively without name-calling and that made me an idiot. I had to point out that they had done the same, first. Silence. I then referenced all the credible sources I had. It was all lies, they quoted theirs, which were the exact opposite of mine. That was the truth. Anyway, I became worn down and dispirited after a while. Whatever I said, they disbelieved, no matter what sources I quoted and regardless of what logical evidence I produced. It was all liberal lies to them, they would rather pick up on small insignificant points or mistakes I’d made than intelligently argue the big points I’d made. Eventually, I’m ashamed to say, I gave up. I simply couldn’t win, and I had no support from anyone else. I wrote an insulting parting shot, then left. I’ve never logged on again. However, I learnt something from it, so here’s my 5 point guide to survival in a discussion with a right wing fascist idiot. Probably works in the real world too: 1. Be precise in your spelling and grammar. Don’t allow them to pick up on your little mistakes; it’s ammunition to divert from the real issues you’ve raised. The bigger the mistake, the greater the diversion and ridicule. Use a spellchecker. 2. Get your facts right. Don’t come out with stuff like "550,000 Iraqi’s have been killed in the war so far", or something, as it’s not proved. They will pick it up, run with it, and anything you say after that will be seen as bullshit as well. Resist the compulsion to say stuff that you don’t know is true as it won’t have shock value, it’ll make you look like an idiot. 3. Meticulously quote your sources. For anything you say is fact, make sure you can back it up with credible sources. There are plenty of them, make sure you do a bit of research beforehand. 4. Do not engage in insults or name-calling. This is a dream for right wing fascist nuts, as they are like bullies, it shows that you’re getting angry and that weakens your position. It is the lowest form of attack, so don’t stoop to their level. Keep it polite; keep it amiable as this pisses the hell out of them! 5. Keep an open mind whenever possible. It may happen that one of the goons raises an interesting and credible point, possibly backed up with a source. If this is the case, acknowledge this and try to combat the argument, if possible. If you can’t, accept it graciously. It sounds hard to do, it is. It weakens their position, it’s likely that you have many other points to make, it doesn’t harm to concede one and it sows doubt in the goon mindset. Try it out, it works. It makes you unshakable in an right wing loon based argument and won’t leave you open to attack. Remember that as this whole fiasco draws on, their position is becoming untenable and this scares the hell out of them. If you must argue, argue wisely and fairly. - Smiley Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY May 8 The "smartening" of America's "asses" (get it, smartass?) begins in earnest on this day in 1952, when Mad Magazine first hits the nation's newsstands. On this day in 1980, the World Health Organization announces that the deadly disease of smallpox has been wiped off the face of the Earth… except for a few large boxes of the stuff stored at various bioweapon labs in the USA and over in the Evil Empire of the Soviet Union, of course. Born on this day in 1911: Robert Johnson. At some point during his early twenties, Johnson allegedly sold his soul to Satan in exchange for musical virtuosity. With a grand total of twenty-nine songs recorded during a grand total of two recording sessions, this Mississippi native became the progenitor -- especially via the young working class white men of England who so loved his stuff so dearly -- of The Blues as we know them, today.

THEY SAID IT! "By and large, if you want to be tough about it, the relevancy of this administration on policy may be over. This administration may be over." - Lance Tarrance, a chief architect of the Republicans' 1960s and '70s "Southern Strategy", tells a gathering of journalists and political wonks that Preznit Dubya is basically through. *** **** *** "I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy. I expostulated, but he replied: 'The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that's fair.' In these words he epitomized the history of the human race." - Bertrand Russell, philosopher, freethinker, mathematician, and peace activist (1872-1970).

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Nan or Ben! Two San Leon Rednecks are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing bird dogs and NASCAR. All of a sudden LeRoy says "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Bubba sips his beer and says "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Towjam for sending in today's second joke. Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Silver Line... Indeed muhammed had a faithful dog. Dog used to follow him even to the kaabba muhammed's own mosque. He had great respect for dogs. Years went by but his dog never got a partner of his own cos muhammed couldn’t realize his dog's desires because he was busy in wars and regular sermons. One day muhammed talking to an infidel inside his kaabba mosque and the dog was also nearby. When the prayer time reached, muhammed requested the infidel to watch his prayer so that if impressed he could convert infidel to Islam. So dog and infidel standing nearby watching the prayer event. muhammed started his prayer, bent his knees and touched the ground with his forehead, the dog suddenly jumped and mounted its dick on muhammed’s ass. Muhammed couldn’t do anything cos he was in middle of prayer. The dog’s desire fulfilled while muhammed finished prayer. Muhammed ashamed of dog because his infidel friend witnessed the whole scene. From that day onwards muhammed forbid dogs to be pet animal and forbid in quran.

FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! MOP Jerky, ACD has written some great things in the past but his rant on the Fox cartoons was a frigging joke. First off, The Simpsons and Family Guy have a Liberal leaning and always have. The point of the Simpsons episode was to show how feminism uses a double standard and it does. The Family Guy had a message at the end from the intelligent person on the show (Lois) that gay marriage was proper after she hears from some foolish people opposing it. I didn't watch American Dad but from every episode I've seen of it, the main Republican is pictured as an idiot. As far as King of the Hill goes, its a useless show anyways. ACD, you're a smart guy but you missed the point of these episodes. Next time you want to make a commentary, watch the entire show maybe to get the point of it instead of just pointing out two or three things and claiming conspiracy, that's what the Right does, not us. - YOP Sherm [I think ACD was being somewhat facetious in his observations, for humorous effect. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky! This is the BEST JOKE EVER! Why doesn't Osama starve to death in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there! BWHAHAHAHAHA! (see, it's a pun! Sandwiches = "sand which is" BWHAHAHAHA! CT [Die. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hi Jerky, It’s been whispered for some time now, has Bush fallen off the wagon? Chef Paul [I don't think he was ever really on it. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; This is pretty cool. Looks like they have enough forward flight that their parachute acts as a drag chute. RW Sharp [If by "pretty cool" you mean "fucking incredible", then I have to agree. - Jerky] *** **** *** Sir, I need some Dirt magazine free of cost. If it is possible u can send me some dirt-magazine? Rahi Reza [Gimme a second to think about NO!!! - Jerky] *** **** *** Sir; Not enough is being said about what is really behind the overly high gas prices. WELL, nothing is really getting said about the out of control high prices. At least not in the main stream NEWS. I don't think 10% of the people in the U.S. knows that gas is a byproduct of almost everything made from the oil. The more plastic made the more gas they have to store somewhere. And if nobody bought the GAS they would have a very bad over flow. More of these details need to be looked into way deeper, and put out for the people to see, that the Government and the OIL Companies, are in bed together. And they control all the main NEWS outlets, to brainwash the people into believing the shit they shovel out. Along with all the other garbage. Just a thought, Seeker [Yes, it's true. We're doomed. DOOMED!!! - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; Since hearing the plan for treating illegal immigrants as "guest workers", I now have undergone a complete reversal in my understanding of the proper meaning of word "guest". I stupidly used to believe that the definition of "guest" was one who is invited. Now I'm told this is no longer correct. For instance, if a burglar breaks into my home, he really is only trying to get a better life. Because he broke in for that reason, I must accept the obligation to provide health care, education, transportation, and living quarters. I feel so much better now Mr. Bush. Thank you. David A [But what are illegal immigrants "stealing" from you, exactly? - Jerky]

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